Living life as a human being on Planet Earth is a tricky business. We have other people to interact with, jobs to perform, roles to fill, money to make, bodies to maintain, environments to organize, cultures to navigate, seasons to move through, and emotions to contend with. It’s a whole lot going on!
Where many of us get stuck (and yes, me too at times) is when we rely on our outer circumstances and other people to operate in ways that make us feel good. When they can’t do it, when they fall short of our desires and expectations, we blame them for our feeling badly (whatever that means in the given situation.)
In truth, most of the time people are just doing themselves around us, near us or in front of us. It’s the meaning we ascribe to what we witness in them that creates our emotional experience. Then, when we fixate on it, obsess about it and try to fix it, we only end up amplifying the state we don’t want. And, since what we focus on expands, we end up getting more of it. A vicious cycle in deed.
The only reason why we want anything in life is because we think we will feel better in the having of it. So, why not just decide to feel better on our own? I mean, isn’t that a more empowering choice? When we can take charge of our thoughts and our energy in ways that bring us relief and moves us in the direction of feeling better and better on the emotional scale, we no longer have to put demands on our people or act like a victim to circumstances. Easier said than done? Probably.
So we need skills to manage our internal worlds, our thoughts and our emotional states so we can take back the reigns of our human experience. Here are a few to try on for size and see what works best for you. Remember, you do not need a colossal transformation, just a small shift in your perception and feeling that you can follow to the next better-feeling thought.
- Recognize and own that you are the one making this emotional experience by how you are processing the relationship or circumstance.
- Look for what you can appreciate about the circumstance or the interaction. Ask the question, “What can I appreciate about this?” Be patient. Your brain will come up with an answer if you give it a little time and spaciousness.
- Trust that the Universe is conspiring for your highest good, even if you can’t see what that is in the moment.
- Distract yourself with something else to think about or do that feels better, like planning a vacation or playing with your pet or watching Jeff Dunham on YouTube.
- Put a smile on your face. Allow the contraction of your facial muscles to reverse-engineer feeling good by activating a release of your happy-juices in the brain.
At the end of the day, this is your life, your human experience, your brain, your choice. You pick. You’re in charge. So start developing the skills to empower your freedom and enhance your joy today!