We all got DRAMA. But how much we let it run the show is up to us. It takes a little awareness and a lot of practice to spot our DRAMA themes when they come up.
In general, DRAMA thought patterns feel “bad”. This is because in the moment our DRAMA thoughts are occurring we’re out of alignment with our Best Selves and disconnected from others. In relationships, there are few thought patterns we can fall into that keep us in a state of separation from others. Since we are one race, one world, one humanity, and part of one greater Spirit even, separation is inherently painful. Here are some of the thought traps to watch out for:
- Comparisons. Comparing ourselves to others (or them comparing themselves to us) shows up in a variety of ways, but two subcategories that comparisons fundamentally fit into are: being better than (superior to) others or worse than (inferior to) others. Superiority: When we think we’re better than others it means we’re seeing ourselves as one-up, with more important needs and desires than theirs. This invites a competitive mindset and has us primed to fight for our rights and values. In this combative state, ego reigns supreme. We are unable to value, understand or support others, which is not really what most of us are about. Inferiority: And sometimes we think we’re worse off than others, or not as good as others. This can lead us to shut down, avoid doing things we want, not live out our purpose, neglect our needs and desires, withdraw from other people, and resist setting necessary boundaries.
- Entitlement. When we feel entitled, we see ourselves as being “owed”, which puts us in opposition with others. We exert our will on them, ignorant of the negative impact our vehemence can wreak, and resistant to the idea that they may have other viewpoints or values we, in our blinded greed, are violating.
- Vanity. We all want to be well-liked and accepted. But being driven to project a certain image about ourselves — like having it all “together” or being altruistic, tough, nice or independent — can interfere with our intimacy when it dominates over authenticity and being real with people. The drive to be seen in a certain light can supersede the levels of honesty and transparency that are needed to have healthy connections and positive interpersonal interactions.
- Scarcity. This is the fallacy of not-enoughness. This can be not having enough, doing enough or being enough. But the core essence of scarcity is the fear of not getting our needs met. We’re scared of not being good enough to be loved or valued. We’re scared of not having enough money. We’re scared of not doing enough to be accepted or gain approval. The truth is we are enough. I am enough. You are enough. Enoughness is inherent in our spiritual experience as humans. And since we are an extension of the greater Oneness, of the Divine, there can never be lack… except in our limited brain perceptions when we get sucked into DRAMA consciousness.
Finding yourself in any of these thought themes is very human. Don’t make yourself bad for it. Just find a way to recover to your Best Self so you can start feeling better and resume a healthy connection with other people and with Life.